Racauan

About Dying (Again)

I am so tired, and my body crave for sleep. There are so many problems and hope in life. So many despair, so many love, list, ambition, disappointment. Many experience yet to be experienced. And yet during my tired times, I don’t really care.

So I left my door unlocked, in case when I managed to sleep, I will never wake up. It’s not a suicidal thought or a death wish. It’s just a “come what may” thought. Everybody struggle to stay alive. To survive and hopefully to strife. Only to be beaten, lose, and try again.

I too have plans, excitement, hopes and dreams, but I realize now that all those stuff is not real. Reality is unpredictable, and cannot be fight. If you gotta go, you gotta go. We are all somewhat always dying. No matter what we do, death is always lurking around the corner. Like an old friend that we want to forget, a promise that we made when we were born.

And death is not special. It comes to every living being. In grief, we cry or depressed, or impulsively hurting others. We forgot how natural death is. And how we all are somewhat dying. Forgetting death, we become this arrogant sentient being. Embracing death, make us humble.

I feel like I am always dying. Therefore I use my life as good as I could. So little time. But I am in no rush. There is no joy in rushing things. Let the world give you anything you deserve. Take what has been provide, with cautious.

And this dawn, I feel like dying. I don’t have time to prepare my lot, so I unlock my door so people can find my body, if I never wake up. Because I care for the living. My corpse will leave trouble, and that I don’t want that. If everything is according to my plan, I will die old and my death will be tremendously helpful. But a plan is just a plan. Thus, my door is unlock.

So I can welcome an old friend.

***

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