Memoir, Racauan

Manusia itu Fiktif: Sapiens dan Ceritanya-ceritanya

Manusia sapiens adalah binatang bercerita. Diri mereka dibentuk oleh cerita, peradabannya adalah cerita. mereka hidup dalam cerita, dan menyumbang cerita. Cerita menjebak, cerita membebaskan, cerita merebak, cerita melegenda menjadi mitos, yang terinstitusi jadi agama, yang tidak terinstitusi menjadi dongeng belaka.

Lalu di sinilah kita, kawan. Dalam cerita-cerita yang seringkali tak ada logika. Cerita-cerita yang membangkitkan atau membunuh perasaan. Padahal apalah perasaan selain reaksi kimia dalam tubuh biologi kita. Cerita cuma berpengaruh kalo kita sensi saja.

Ada cerita kesedihan, dari Roman Picisan sampai kisah heroik. Ada cerita sederhana, tentang proyek yang gagal hingga kita saling marah dan bermusuhan. Ada kisah sukses, yang sebenernya selalu berakhir tragis jika saja diteruskan. Tidak ada happy dalam sebuah ending. Kaena bahagia dan kesedihan berputar-putar saja dalam sebuah siklus mood dan hormon. Kesuksesan atau tragedi bisa berasa bahagia atau sedih, tergantung obat apa yang ditelan.

Sekarang aku seperti mengerti banyak perasaan, dan dapat membuat naratif untuk membangkitkan perasaan-perasaan itu, dalam tulisan, dalam lagu, dan dalam film. Tapi di saat yang sama kadang aku merasa kebas karena perasaan-perasaan yang ada dalam naratif karya itu, akhir-akhir ini sulit untuk kurasakan jika aku berpikir logis. Bahwasannya, rasa, emosi, itu tak lebih dari interpretasi otak dan hormonku atas kenyataan, dan jika aku mau tidak terbawa, aku hanya perlu bernafas dengan teratur dan berpikir dengan terstruktur. Dan jika aku mau merasakannya, aku hanya perlu immerse ke dalam naratif tersebut.

Kemampuan untuk mengontrol emosi dan mood ku tidak serta-merta membuatku kurang manusiawi. Seperti orang autis atau psikopatik juga manusia. Merka hanya kurang empati.

Emosi dan rasa kini keluar kalo aku capek atau manic, dan aku langsung bisa tahu bahwa perasaan tidak enak, hadir dari dalam diriku, bukan dari luar. Tidak seru, dan aku butuh ketidakseruan itu. Karena keseruan seringkali bikin musibah saja.

Ini adalah racauan terbaruku yang menggunakan asosiasi bebas, untuk mengungkapkan pikiranku dan kucicil-cicil dalam waktu beberapa hari karena aku sedang sangat sibuk. Sibuk. Yang menyenangkan karena emosiku dan mood ku cukup terkendali dan konsisten buat bisa kerja sehari-hari. Semoga kamu pun begitu, optimis menyingsing tahun 2022.

Di tahun ini aku punya banyak rencana. Film panjang pertamamu ingin kuselesaikan sebagai produser. Lalu aku ingin bikon workshop gratis buat anak-anak muda termarginal. Aku juga sedang semangat belajar soal crypto dan NFT tapi tanpa punya keduanya. Kupikir crypto dan NFT bisa kuubah jadi produk budaya-finansial yang bisa bikin Seniman kita jadi kembali menjadi Seniman rakyat akar rumput. Tunggu tulisanku berikutnya soal hal ini.

Kalau kamu suka yang kamu baca sejauh ini, traktir aku kopilah. Jadi tulisan selanjutnya bisa lebih cepat keluar. Klik link ini.

Musik

Album Wonderbra Crossing The Railroad – Offline Data

Halo pembaca EseiNosa.

Selamat tahun baru 2022.

15 tahun yang lalu, gue dan teman-teman gue bikin band bernama Wonderbra dan dirilislah album ini, Crossing The Railroad.

Crossing The Railroad adalah album Rock and Roll Blues yang berisi 8 lagu soal kegalauan, kemarahan, kemasabodoan dan kenarsisan anak muda di tahun 2000an.

Ada yang bercerita tentang masokisme percintaan (Die Die Baby Die), tribute buat Janis Jopline (Ode to Lady Janice), Horror ala Tim Burton (Obituary), bahkan begahnya hidup di Jakarta (Hell’s kitchen) dan banyak lagi yang lainnya.

Pasang album ini sambil jalan, lari, atau nyetir, gue jamin bikin semangat kalian membara!

Dan album ini bisa menyelamatkan kalian ketika susah sinyal, nggak wi fi dan kuota karena…

Album ini offline.

Yep, kami di Wonderbra mau coba jualan album lagi dengan cara yang setengah lama setengah baru, mendekatkan diri pada teman lama dan berharap punya teman baru. Bentuknya data, hanya untuk device kalian saja.

Dengan beli dan download album ini, kamu langsung support wonder buat semangat dan nabung bikin album ke 3.

Dan kami percaya sama kekuatan komunitas untuk menghidupi senimannya, daripada kekuasaan streaming platform. Musik ini semua dibentuk dari keresahan jadi mahasiswa tahun 2000an, dan ini mewakili zaman kami. Jadi lebih baik kami persembahkan buat teman-teman kami sendiri, yang lama ataupun yang baru.

Yuk ikutan nostalgia!

Racauan

Slow and On Time

Life is short. It could be a few days, weeks, months, years or eternity; life is Short but time is relative. We could even upload our consciousness and live in VR forever. Do we want to live forever? Well, with balanced hormones and a nice mood, I would. Fuck anybody who says that happiness need sadness and pleasure need pain. If I could somehow managed my brain and organs to be happy and pleasing, I’d choose it. Constant happiness won’t be boring because if you’re bored you won’t be happy. You might be crazy, but you won’t care anyway. It’s a total balance, it’s nirvana, moxa.

Anyway how long is Short? It could be a blink of an eye, or it could be gazzillion years like waiting for my jenius bank account to load. What makes time long is probably the boredom. And in order not to be bored we gotta get busy with our life. The busier the more exciting, time will be shorter. In a state that I am in, people called it manic. After that seems too short of time, I’ll be damned in depression. Or I’ll die of fatigue.

Whatever happens, human life span is long compared to mosquitoes or ants, but really short compared to the universe. If we found a way to be immortal, we wouldn’t have to procreate, said some expert. But if procreate is an experience, I am sure we still want to do that. Because the essence of being a sapiens, is about stories. And stories come from experience.

What if we evolved to be a being that does not need experience or story? What if we change to be a data driven, mathematical creature who lived based solely on algorithms. Will life be easier? As a biological machine that can create itself from itself, will we be truly… Happy?

There’s so many questions on the possibility of the future of our species: it’s near and our species are closing in with climate change and ignorance. Yet, we are too busy with our petty little life, to make our culture and create story, or just simply to survive daily, that we often forget how short our life is. We just can’t slow down.

So today I decided, in the middle of a deadline, to be slower. I’m doing it, but I’ll be chill. You just can’t make me go faster than this, and I’ll still be faster than most people, I tell you this. But I’ll enjoy the dawn and the sunrise. I’ll enjoy the company of my friends, the cigarette, the sex, the attraction, attention, and all that comes with it.

My pace will be slow but controlled, and my job will be done on time, and I will be proud of it, cause it’s gonna be my best. Every. Single. Time. I will be satisfied, but I won’t stop doing better than my best. Not because I need to get faster, but because I need to be slower and enjoy every process. On time.

So here’s my newest selfie that I’m proud of because it was made during a slow time at the office where my friends and I are doing our best to do one of our best project. I suggest you should be slow and on time too, it’s fun, less stressful, and life feels a little bit longer in a good, meditative way.

As usual, if you enjoy this writing, don’t hesitate to treat me a cup of coffee by clicking this link:

English, Filsafat, Racauan

No Human in Humanity

There is not much of a human in humanity. It’s just a word. A term we invented to tell ourselves that we have meaning in the world. Its the modern word for God or Soul or whatever term we use in describing goodness out of our petty existence. Should we believe that word as people before us believe in God or Good?

It’s up to us, but our belief won’t matter much. You see, many anthropologists stated that human worldview and belief will determined his/her actions and decisions. If we believe in God and Religion, we will act according to that belief, they say. But that’s just bullshit. All men eventually will ruin their belief and faith. Some of us seldom do it, most of us often. It doesn’t mean that we don’t believe in it anymore, we do. But circumstances and practicalities forced us to yield it. Fuck it around. Screw it up and down. And we will ask for forgiveness, just like King Claudius from Shakespeare’s Hamlet. And after that, we will fuck it again and again and again. And in our deathbed, we will ask forgiveness for the last time for having fucked our faith too much.

There is no way to be consistent. Life just does not work that way.

There is this book by Jim Holt, “Why Does The World Exist?”. Holt tried to give reasons of existence from various point of views. Like all philosophy books, Holts’s book problematized our existence deeper, suspending every explanation available. For me, the book was saying that the answer of Why Does The World Exist is nothing and everything. A paradox just like human being. Just like human’s faith. It is problematic, and problem is a big part of existence. If the book were to be compare to a film, I would say it’s Monty Phyton’s The Meaning of Life.

Existence has to be filled with creativity and discovery, we made it from the God-given (or evolution based) instrument called mind. Considering all things are made up based on our mind, so yeah.

For me everything is bullshit. Some of them have to be considered as real shits, others we have to take seriously–especially if it concerns other people that we care about. That’s when we say, “This is serious shit! ” I have a problem in creating a priority scale for myself, but if I stopped thinking about it, it’s gonna be real simple. Do anything necessary to survive and to make people you love, and yourself happy.

Because you know, the real reality that we cannot escape is just death. Everything else are just imaginations made from the dialectic of action and reaction. Death is inevitable, and we spent quite amount of time to pursue it. In every unhealthy and excess actions, we get closer by the seconds. So while we’re at it, might as well enjoy ‘humanity’ for whatever that means. Beside, after we are all gone, the universe remains. Humanity is nothing but everything in our language and short life span.

***

Hi, thanks for reading! Yes, this is the part where I need you to buy me a cup of coffee to keep writing and providing you with this website domain. If you like what you read you can support me on trakteer (if you’re in Indonesia), or Patreon (if you’re outside of Indonesia. Just push the button below and be happy. Take care of yourself and if you can, take caro of others… (Thank you Stephen Dubner for teaching me that closing).