English, Filsafat, Racauan

How to Prove God Exists to Atheists

So, you’re an Atheist?

Okay, you may not believe in God, but do you believe that your mind exists?

Sure you do, if not how do you suppose to read and understand the things I wrote? But how do you prove that your mind exist? Neuroscience could say that there are pulses or hormones, or synapsis or whatever that prove the existence of an ‘activity’ in your brain. But there hasn’t been any technology that can read your mind, imagination, or memory, vividly. We are living in a dystopia society and a black mirrored future, but mind reading machine still need to be develop for years ahead.

You might say, “Well, the mind exists and we can prove it subjectively and objectively with tools. And like black hole or far away space objects, we will get the accurate data eventually. It’s not Schrodinger’s cat: the mind does exist. But God, on the other hand…”

Let me put it this way then. Your mind, exist. The things you think about, exist in your mind: the imagination, the stories, the myths, the dreams. If you think about God, then She/He exists. If you think God does not exists, it won’t cause God to disappear from other people’s head.

In the end, we will mind our own mind. At least the ‘idea’ of God is in your Atheist head, then the existence or non-existence of God, does exists in your head too. Atheist don’t need to prove the existence of God. It doesn’t matter. But existence of the self, of identity, of politics and other abstract stuff, most atheists feel the need to prove them. Ergo, atheism is a belief system, just like religion. It’s institutionalized by all things secular.

God is problematic because He/She/It is dialectic historically. But the people who believe, are kind of ahistoric when it comes to this discussion. The history or dialectic of God will dissolve the foundation of God as an almighty and infinite being. If God is always changing, then there will be a possibility that it does not exist, and it bugs all the religious people. Atheists in a sense of dialectical, factual based argument, are supposed to be flexible.

But reality is hard, everybody knows that. Even for Atheists, reality is hard. We want to give meaning to our lives , and if we are unable to do so, if we feel that our lives are irrelevant, we need guidance. Religious people get it from their preachers. Atheist or moderately religious people get them from psychologists orang psychiatrist.

We are all human after all. We are all unique, but none of us are special. We need to worship something, and those who say they don’t, are hypocrites.

Cinta, Eksistensialisme, English, Puisi, Uncategorized


My hunger

I have told you this thousands of years ago

my hunger

is a monster you can never comprehend

Hell, I can’t even comprehend it myself

My hunger, my hunger

I run like mad horse

a black cube in the desert floating

made of pitch darkness

bottomless vacuum

my hunger, my hunger

How can I love you and live with this hunger

but how can I tell you about this hunger

when you have lost your limbs for me

And my dear doctor asked

“Will you satisfiy your hunger with a new prey?”

To be honest I’d rather die

Yet here I am devouring love

of a Goddess while chewing

at yout bones

English, Uncategorized

Fragment #3

Neon city from the 16th floor.

Haruki Murakami-esque.

Dim sum restaurant, a dark morning.

You made me burn, the chef on the background plays with flame and give effects on my narrative:

Stars a match.

Underpants patterns.




Miss you.

Don’t know you.

Let you be.





Unimaginable dreams.

Magical years in nanoseconds.

Irrelevant time.


Scrubs on your skin.

Odorless Sweat.

Morning breath, smells like dew.

Fetish to your body.

If I were to find you

among a thousand lives,

I’d let you know

that I wasn’t there.

Hop hop.

Be on your way now.

English, Memoir, Racauan, Uncategorized

Mental Illness and a Little Bit Despair

I am feeling a little bit despair on the fact that more people around me are as sick or even worse than I am. Just a little bit could boiled me up in a state that I’m in.

Mental illness is a trend now, thanks mostly to the internet. I suspect urban Indonesians today are like the US in the 70’s, where psycho-somatic were trending because of newspaper’s pop psychology column. Suddenly everyone was sick and the mental hospital and anti-psychotic drugs industry were booming. A good (or bad) thing about Indonesia is that many of us are poor and uninformed. Not many of us can afford mental illness therapy not mentioning medications. State insurance psychiatric/psychologist aren’t that good either. So yeah, we’re fucked.

I know that mental illness are real, I am a patient myself. But you know, the more I know, the more I think of it as an overrated urban problem. Okay, kids are growing up wrong cuz their parents did not recognize their own depression or bipolar disorders. Some kids turned out violent for having a psychopatic violent Dad.

Misparenting is a major problem. And in turn, I know many millenials with mental illness as their parents left them untreated. Worse than their parents, these kids recognize their illness and prefer to not giving a fuck.

And money, oh money! Money give access to the expensive treatment with psycho meds that many people from middle lower class hard to get. For now, I am lucky enough to have the money for treatment, but as an independent contractor/freelancer, I don’t know what I’ll do next, when the money runs out. Once, I’ve tried stopping medications and treatment, and it’s getting worse. My meds are fucking expensive!

And seeing more friends got prognosis and diagnosed with mental illnesses, really turns me down. But for now, I have plans. For now I try to do the best I could to push the despair as low as possible.