English, Filsafat, Memoir, Racauan

Self-criticism is your only savior from yourself

Are there any possibilities that someone over-criticizes themselves or others? I don’t think so. I put the word critic, critical, as one of the highest modes of thinking. Criticism is what makes dialectic possible. If, and only if, someone is considered overcritical, they probably do it the wrong way.

Critic for me is an action that takes a lot of consideration. You need proper context and deeper thinking, you ought to ask the right questions, and you got to know what you don’t know. Spitting words to degrade someone is not a critic, it’s a bully. Telling yourself wrong and jumping to conclusions about yourself is as bad as bullying.

Thus, critics need to be done at the right time and in the right state of mind. And one has to be always aware of oneself objectively, no matter how one feels. The feeling cannot be criticized since it cannot be controlled. But one can always control one’s behavior if one’s body is healthy enough no matter how one feels.

Now, within this context, let’s talk about self-criticism. Let me first give an example, about myself.

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I am diagnosed with manic depression, or Bipolar 1. I haven’t taken any medication for that disorder for almost two years. I am highly functional, and reading and writing therapy has helped me a lot in coping with my mental illness. Today I ‘feel’ like I have complete control of my life. I am content and happy, I am independent and able to help a lot of people, I work my job magnificently and I have doubts about all those good things.

These doubts come because I have experience in being tricked by my feelings whether they are negative or positive feelings. In my experience, being over-optimistic is another red flag of something wrong with me. So I try to write again and examine my writings and my feelings. Then I analyze it as if the person who wrote this journal is not me. Well, philosophically speaking, I am not the person I was when I wrote them. Different feelings, moods, time, and context.

I conclude that I have managed my manic disorder, but in the functionalities of my life, there are hidden suicidal thoughts that are fused with some type of depression. You see, I am quite proud that I can manage, predict, and control my manic state and depression state throughout years of therapy and struggle. I have gained success in terms of my work. I can eat whatever I want, and go wherever I go. I have the lovely girlfriend of my dream, the freedom to make films or teach or learn the things that I adore. In my manic state, I could write, shoot, teach, and produce a lot of things almost simultaneously. Then I will go home and had a deep rest because I was depressed. My depression is controlled. It is a logical consequence of my manic state. So I am functional because I recognize the cycle of my mania and my depression. Good?

Not exactly. Because my life now is just manic and depressed. I have a plan to care more for myself, eat healthy, have a regular sleeping cycle, and work out. But the plan is lost to the depression. And when the depression is gone, I need to get back to work.

There were times when I could overcome this easily. But it is getting harder to fix my life every time a long and hard project that creates irregularities is over. It’s getting harder to get out of bed after depression to reset my room or my body. I binged eating and trying so hard to be unhealthy.

At one point I even think, maybe I am having a subconscious suicidal tendency. I am starting to think that my behavior is a way to self-destruct.

Anyway, I think I need a shrink. Will get back to you guys after a few good sessions. In the meantime, I will enjoy this mood and irrelevancy of my life. It might be just my age factor–a symptom you have when you are almost 40 years old.

If you like what you read, don’t hesitate to treat me a cup of cheap coffee. It helps to know people are actually reading this.

English, Filsafat, Gender, Racauan

Love Sick: It’s Not Your Fault

I have often found myself in the role of mediator for troubled couples within my circle of friends. It is interesting to observe a pattern of toxic relationships among them, wherein the majority of the men struggle with issues surrounding masculinity, while the women seem to grapple with archaic mother-related challenges.

In my experience, men who exhibit masculinity problems often find it difficult to express their emotions openly and communicate effectively. They may adhere to societal expectations of stoicism and strength, which can create barriers to healthy relationship dynamics. Recognizing and addressing these issues can be crucial for restoring harmony within the couple.

In some cases, I have encountered men who are well-versed in gender knowledge and possess the ability to express their emotions openly and honestly. However, it is not uncommon for these men to become overly dramatic and easily triggered by their partners, even in situations where their spouse is simply trying to offer support or provide helpful suggestions. This hypersensitivity can stem from past experiences or insecurities, leading to miscommunication and misunderstandings within the relationship.

Similarly, the women facing archaic mother issues tend to carry unresolved emotional baggage and deeply ingrained beliefs about their role in relationships. This can manifest in seeking excessive control, struggling with trust, or harboring insecurities.

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In addition to the patterns of toxic relationships I mentioned earlier, I have also noticed that some women who are independent, free-spirited, and assertive can sometimes face challenges in their relationships. It’s almost as if Murphy’s Law about bad possibilities comes into play. These women, who may be confident and self-assured, often find themselves in situations where their assertiveness is misinterpreted or seen as a threat to their partner’s ego or traditional views on gender roles. This can lead to power struggles, arguments, and a lack of understanding between both partners.

In conclusion, reflecting on the patterns of toxic relationships I have witnessed among my friends and drawing from my own personal experiences, it becomes evident that the dynamics of a relationship are not solely determined by one person’s fault. Rather, it is essential for individuals to introspect and evaluate their own upbringing, parental influences, and even their genetic predispositions to gain a comprehensive understanding of why a relationship may have ended. While this self-reflection may not guarantee healing or reconciliation, it can provide valuable insights that aid in personal growth and move forward in life.

English, Filsafat, Racauan

Bad Habit support Identity

A bad habit is a repetitive behavior or pattern that is generally regarded as undesirable or detrimental to one’s well-being, personal growth, or success. These habits can vary greatly from person to person, but some common examples include smoking, drinking too much, and procrastinating. My problem today is mostly about laziness to clean my room. This will make to have another session with my shrink. Anyway, here are some thoughts about bad habits and my identity. Anyway, I feel quite wrong because I find comfort in my bad habits.

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Finding comfort and justification for our bad habits within our identity and sense of self is natural. However, I think it’s important to keep in mind that embracing a bad habit solely because it confirms my identity may have consequences that affect my overall well-being and relationships with others. Here are a few points I need to consider:

  1. Self-reflection: Take some time to reflect on the reasons behind your belief that these habits are a part of your identity and existence. Are there deeper emotional or psychological factors contributing to this belief? Understanding the root causes can help you assess whether holding on to these habits aligns with your long-term goals and values.
  2. Effects on relationships: Consider how these bad habits may affect how people perceive and treat you. Sometimes, certain behavior patterns can lead to strained relationships, misunderstandings, or even harm to others. Reflect on whether the acceptance of these habits is worth the potential negative consequences in your connections with loved ones and the wider community.
  3. Exploring personal growth: While bad habits may feel like an integral part of your identity, it is important to explore personal growth and consider how breaking free from them can positively impact your life. Engaging in self-improvement and challenging yourself to develop healthier habits can lead to personal fulfillment, increased self-esteem, and improved overall well-being.

It is challenging that I kind of like my identity including my bad habit. However, it’s important to recognize that certain habits can have long-term negative consequences on our overall well-being and success in different areas of life. It might be worth evaluating whether holding on to the bad habit aligns with your long-term goals and values.

Here are a few points to consider in such a situation:

  1. Consequences: Reflect on the potential consequences of maintaining the bad habit. Ask yourself if the short-term pleasure or satisfaction derived from the habit outweighs any negative impacts on your health, relationships, productivity, or personal growth. Consider whether the habit may hinder your progress or prevent you from achieving your full potential.
  2. Alternative Perspectives: Try to gain different perspectives on your identity and habit. Seek feedback from trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can provide an objective viewpoint. They may offer insights that you haven’t considered before, helping you understand the potential downsides of the habit and its impact on how you’re perceived by others.
  3. Exploring Moderation: If complete elimination of the habit seems undesirable, explore the possibility of moderating it. Can you find a balance between enjoying the pattern to some extent while minimizing any negative effects? For example, if your habit is eating fast food, you could aim to reduce the frequency and make healthier choices when indulging.

Ultimately, it is my decision whether to continue embracing my identity with the bad habit or to consider making changes. It’s important to be aware of the potential trade-offs and the impact on your overall well-being and future aspirations. If I decide to maintain the habit, make sure to approach it mindfully, understanding the potential consequences it may have in the long run.

Politik, Racauan

Yang Muda dan Tak Berdaya

Pemilu 2024, para politisi dan capres akan didominasi dua macam orang. Pertama, orang tua yang banyak jaringan dan kaya raya. Kedua, anak-anak politikus lama yang orang tuanya banyak jaringan dan kaya raya. Inilah buruknya sistem oligarki kita. Apa kabar reformasi?

Jokowi hadir sebagai harapan, karena ia tidak berasal dari elit politik, dan tidak berhubungan langsung dengan para oligarki. Karir politiknya pun seperti naik tangga, dari walikota, gubernur lalu presiden. Ketika terpilih dulu, Jokowi sangat terlihat belum siap, dan lebih kelihatan seperti calon “tertuduh” dari PDIP karena populis, bukan calon yang matang secara politik. Saat itu semua calon yang matang sudah busuk.

Namun toh, setelah dua periode, anaknya menjadi walikota dan sim salabim, keluarganya menjadi elit politik. Lagu lama. Mirip presiden pertama yang anaknya jadi presiden keempat. Sementara presiden kedua, bikin komplek rumahnya jadi terkenal, seperti presiden ke lima. Presiden ke lima anaknya mencalonkan diri menjadi presiden ke tujuh. Presiden ke enam, anaknya walikota dan mungkin akan jadi presiden ke…10 atau 11.

Indonesia cukup maju soal pemerintahan sipil, sejak 25 tahun yang lalu. Kita tidak ada kudeta militer lagi, Alhamdulillah. Sementara Thailand masih ada, Myanmar jelas banget junta. Kita mirip Filipina yang presidennya sekarang adalah anak presiden sebelumnya. Di Thailand, pemilu kemarin hampir memenangkan kembali trah Shinawatra sebagai perdana menteri sipil. Untungnya yang menang bukan militer atau elit lama, tapi seorang duda keren berumur 42 bernama Pita Limjaroenrat. Si Duren adalah pengusaha yang kuliah di Harvard dan MIT. Bahasa Inggrisnya wasweswos. Tapi dia agak nyolot, karena mau ngubah undang-undang penistaan raja, yang mirip UU penistaan kepala negara atau UU ITE di sini. Kita lihat aja apa dia akan dikudeta atau nggak.

Di Indonesia, yang cukup saya harapkan Jadi presiden adalah Nadiem Makarim karena dia pinter banget dan berani ngubah sistem gila-gilaan, masih keturunan Arab tapi nggak bawa-bawa nenek moyang kayak mantan gubernur Jakarta itu. Tapi nampaknya, dia belum niat jadi presiden atau masuk parpol atau mengajukan jadi calon independen. Mungkin karena dia bukan duren seperi mas Pita. Maaf OOT.

Anyway, menyedihkan amat capres-capres kalo nggak tua, anak elitis, atau orang populis yang cuma mau mecah suara partai doang buat bikin koalisi. Kita masih kalah jauh sama Finlandia, yang perdana menterinya, Sanna Marin yang waktu diangkat jadi PM umurnya baru 34. Keluarganya bukan elit politik, bapaknya alkoholik, dan cerai sama ibunya yang akhirnya jadi lesbian. Dia tinggal sama ibunya dan istrinya, jadi anak di keluarga homoseksual. Mirip Soekarno yang bikin partai umur 21, Sanna masuk partai sosial demokrat waktu masih kuliah.

Di Indonesia, partai-partai juga mulai pengkaderan di sekolah dan kampus-kampus. Bahkan ada partai tertentu yang pake dalil agama nganu yang konon menyuruh kadernya kawin muda untuk jadi pemimpin rumah tangga dulu sebelum jadi pemimpin di dalam partai. Ini partai ketuanya koruptor dan om poligami dengan anak SMA belasan tahun, dan salah satu kadernya dulu suka dagang perempuan dari kampus yang di plangnya ditulis “beragama”.

Kader muda partai-partai ini disuruh berkarir jadi caleg kacung sampe tua, dan baru diharapkan jadi pemimpin kalau umurnya sudah tua-tua. Nggak diendorse anak-anak mudanya kecuali jadi caleg aja. Kalau anak-anak mudanya mau diendorse, dia kudu jadi anak siapa dulu pembesar pantai. Tokai lah.

Akhirnya anak-anak muda bikin partai sendiri, salah satunya Partai Solidaritas Indonesia (PSI). Partai ini habis-habisan di kritik Panji Pragiwaksonono karena kelakuannya udah kayak partai orang tua-tua: ngandalin popularitas buat nyari calek atau capres. Cara mainnya sama aja, dan nggak berhasil bikin kebanyakan anak muda kita tertarik politik. Salah satu pendirinya, Tsamara Amany Alatas, sempet saya bayangkan seperti Sanna Marin. Ngomong jago, pendidikan hebat, intelektual. Dia nikah sama salah satu antropolog favorit saya, Ismail Fajri Alatas, badai banget nih laki bini. Dia hengkang dari PSI buat jadi aktivis perempuan. Umurnya baru 26 sih, masih ada 10 tahun lagi sampe dia bisa jadi presiden Indonesia. Baguslah sekarang dia mundur dulu dari politik praktis. Semangat mbaknya! Semoga jadi presiden perempuan termuda di dunia mengalahkan Sanna Marin!

Kembali ke krisis kepemimpinan, kita dihadapkan sama capres-capres yang… Lulagi lulagi. Oligarki lagi, oligarki lagi. Terus kayaknya saya bakal golput lagi golput lagi–kecuali kalo ada capres yang frontal ngomong mau bantu kebudayaan dan film, okelah saya coblos nanti.

Well, kita lihat aja.