English

This is the english version of the blog. Some of it are translated from Indonesian.

English, Filsafat, Gender, Racauan

Love Sick: It’s Not Your Fault

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I have often found myself in the role of mediator for troubled couples within my circle of friends. It is interesting to observe a pattern of toxic relationships among them, wherein the majority of the men struggle with issues surrounding masculinity, while the women seem to grapple with archaic mother-related challenges.

In my experience, men who exhibit masculinity problems often find it difficult to express their emotions openly and communicate effectively. They may adhere to societal expectations of stoicism and strength, which can create barriers to healthy relationship dynamics. Recognizing and addressing these issues can be crucial for restoring harmony within the couple.

In some cases, I have encountered men who are well-versed in gender knowledge and possess the ability to express their emotions openly and honestly. However, it is not uncommon for these men to become overly dramatic and easily triggered by their partners, even in situations where their spouse is simply trying to offer support or provide helpful suggestions. This hypersensitivity can stem from past experiences or insecurities, leading to miscommunication and misunderstandings within the relationship.

Similarly, the women facing archaic mother issues tend to carry unresolved emotional baggage and deeply ingrained beliefs about their role in relationships. This can manifest in seeking excessive control, struggling with trust, or harboring insecurities.

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In addition to the patterns of toxic relationships I mentioned earlier, I have also noticed that some women who are independent, free-spirited, and assertive can sometimes face challenges in their relationships. It’s almost as if Murphy’s Law about bad possibilities comes into play. These women, who may be confident and self-assured, often find themselves in situations where their assertiveness is misinterpreted or seen as a threat to their partner’s ego or traditional views on gender roles. This can lead to power struggles, arguments, and a lack of understanding between both partners.

In conclusion, reflecting on the patterns of toxic relationships I have witnessed among my friends and drawing from my own personal experiences, it becomes evident that the dynamics of a relationship are not solely determined by one person’s fault. Rather, it is essential for individuals to introspect and evaluate their own upbringing, parental influences, and even their genetic predispositions to gain a comprehensive understanding of why a relationship may have ended. While this self-reflection may not guarantee healing or reconciliation, it can provide valuable insights that aid in personal growth and move forward in life.

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English, Filsafat, Racauan

Bad Habit support Identity

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A bad habit is a repetitive behavior or pattern that is generally regarded as undesirable or detrimental to one’s well-being, personal growth, or success. These habits can vary greatly from person to person, but some common examples include smoking, drinking too much, and procrastinating. My problem today is mostly about laziness to clean my room. This will make to have another session with my shrink. Anyway, here are some thoughts about bad habits and my identity. Anyway, I feel quite wrong because I find comfort in my bad habits.

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Finding comfort and justification for our bad habits within our identity and sense of self is natural. However, I think it’s important to keep in mind that embracing a bad habit solely because it confirms my identity may have consequences that affect my overall well-being and relationships with others. Here are a few points I need to consider:

  1. Self-reflection: Take some time to reflect on the reasons behind your belief that these habits are a part of your identity and existence. Are there deeper emotional or psychological factors contributing to this belief? Understanding the root causes can help you assess whether holding on to these habits aligns with your long-term goals and values.
  2. Effects on relationships: Consider how these bad habits may affect how people perceive and treat you. Sometimes, certain behavior patterns can lead to strained relationships, misunderstandings, or even harm to others. Reflect on whether the acceptance of these habits is worth the potential negative consequences in your connections with loved ones and the wider community.
  3. Exploring personal growth: While bad habits may feel like an integral part of your identity, it is important to explore personal growth and consider how breaking free from them can positively impact your life. Engaging in self-improvement and challenging yourself to develop healthier habits can lead to personal fulfillment, increased self-esteem, and improved overall well-being.

It is challenging that I kind of like my identity including my bad habit. However, it’s important to recognize that certain habits can have long-term negative consequences on our overall well-being and success in different areas of life. It might be worth evaluating whether holding on to the bad habit aligns with your long-term goals and values.

Here are a few points to consider in such a situation:

  1. Consequences: Reflect on the potential consequences of maintaining the bad habit. Ask yourself if the short-term pleasure or satisfaction derived from the habit outweighs any negative impacts on your health, relationships, productivity, or personal growth. Consider whether the habit may hinder your progress or prevent you from achieving your full potential.
  2. Alternative Perspectives: Try to gain different perspectives on your identity and habit. Seek feedback from trusted friends, family members, or professionals who can provide an objective viewpoint. They may offer insights that you haven’t considered before, helping you understand the potential downsides of the habit and its impact on how you’re perceived by others.
  3. Exploring Moderation: If complete elimination of the habit seems undesirable, explore the possibility of moderating it. Can you find a balance between enjoying the pattern to some extent while minimizing any negative effects? For example, if your habit is eating fast food, you could aim to reduce the frequency and make healthier choices when indulging.

Ultimately, it is my decision whether to continue embracing my identity with the bad habit or to consider making changes. It’s important to be aware of the potential trade-offs and the impact on your overall well-being and future aspirations. If I decide to maintain the habit, make sure to approach it mindfully, understanding the potential consequences it may have in the long run.

English, Filsafat, Racauan

That Vegetarian Plan

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Some religious rituals, like the slaughter of livestock during Eid, is no longer endurable for me. I cannot fathom nor accept it, as it is a display of celebrated cruelty. Does that make me a hypocrite, since although I seldom eat meat and tried so much not to eat it at all, I still eat poultry and fish. Well, here is the thing: I am thinking of being a vegetarian, but not yet can do it because there is not enough vegetarian food around me. But that does not mean I cannot build the context of my life to be that.

Pain, suffering, can only occur with the development of the brain and nervous system. So every creature who has a brain will have to endure pain. I will stop endorsing it if I can. Slowly I will make these carcasses unavailable to me. I won’t take part of their bodies to my mouth. But if I care about others suffering, I also need to take care of my own suffering. I cannot suffer myself with hunger or malnutrition just because I don’t want other beings to suffer.

It turns out, fortunately, that I also have a disease that makes it hard to break down proteins. So I do need a hard hard diet. I think this intolerance is needed also because of my age and health condition which enables my behavior and hormones to become calmer. Being a vegetarian could ease my pain.

No meat is easy. No poultry or fish is harder. And the aim is to minimize my relationship with cruelty as little as possible. To be as humane as possible, because only humans can have this story.