English, Memoir, Racauan

What Would I Do Without You

This is a work of fiction.

A lot, actually. Life goes on.

But for now let me rest a little now that you’re gone. Because you took some of my nerves with you. My synapses break down, and I cannot control my hormones.

I am angry, sad, disappointed, confused and happy. Happy that you finally rest, and free from all the things life entangled. All the suffering and pain and pleasure, all the demands and the grudges and the hates, and the love. Ah, the love is broken now that you’re gone. But in pieces they lingers, in the space that used to be yours.

You believe in God, and Hell, and Heaven. But I think you deny me for being right, that none of those stuff exist. After you’re gone your energy dissipated, breaks and forms a lot of stuff, the living and the dead, the material defecated, the immaterial… They remain in everyone who know you. And you, you will be really gone when we all forget. Trust me, it’s a blink of the universe eyes. To forget.

Now, what would I do without you? I rest in war when you rest in peace. My rest will end, and I’ll be back fighting in no time, while your peace remains in eternal bliss. In my neurons and others, see you in dreams.

What would I do without you? My best. To live my post life, as long as I could. In letters that people can read. And when they cannot read these letters anymore then adieu… Adieu… Adieu….


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English, Filsafat, Memoir, Racauan, Uncategorized

Detecting Fuckers

y’ know how to detect sad people from the social media? If some people are expressing their sadness, like losing a loved one, or getting suicidal, or saying a prayer to God to give them strength in facing problems, they are not sad enough. The saddest and most melancholic people are those who throw off motivational quotes to be happy and good and jolly, that encourage positive thinking in every situations. Those who tells you to take positive attitude toward bad things and double positive towards good things. Why? Because they’re in a fucking denial. Everybody knows things are bad, and that good things wont last. Bad things last longer that’s why there are some good things. And the more you feel good about something, the worst you feel when it fucking ends. Some good things and happy moments do exist, but those are just a glimpse in life, like your mother’s orgasm to your dad.

So those encouraging stuff that they posted, are like fucking fake orgasm. You don’t get to be happy, but you go on. That’s life. Like Rocky Balboa said, its not a matter of winning or losing, its a matter of how many hits you can take. Faking it wont make it less hurtful.

People might say I’m bitter. But who is more bitter: people who says the storm will pass and the sun will shine again, only to find a drought after the flood; or people like me who cries and scream to the rain, and cursing the corporations in creating global fucking warming when the sun comes out not in time?

So next time you see people posting motivational quotes, tell ’em to wake the fuck up. Tell ’em there’s a big difference between optimism and fake orgasm. They won’t please themselves by thinking happy thoughts when things are bad. Tell ’em to be genuine, smoke some pot for God sake! Jerk off! Anything to make you accept the pain and fucking fight it off. You ain’t gonna be happy for long if you overcome that problem with positivity. Overcome it like cum: lubricate yourself with blood and tears, and give a fuck to things that matters and don’t give a fuck to things that doesn’t.