English, Memoir, Politik, Racauan

Three Type of Clients that You Should Avoid

WARNING!! EXPLICIT CONTENT!!

Doing business is harder during these pandemic time, everybody knows that. But how many of you did not get paid after such a hard work?

After down payment, after production, the final installment never arrived because the client think your performance is not good enough. And to file a lawsuit is logically contra-productive because lawyers, as Toby the devil said, belong to hell.

I never had those problems before the pandemic. But during this pandemic, with social distancing and zoom meetings which make communication harder, with work from home that forces me and my colleagues to work extra hours, losing our privacy, the amount of unpaid installment is high. During this pandemic, I’ve got three out of 12 partners or clients who refuse to pay final installment. So I’ve got to prepare an error fund in case these things happens, because I don’t want my employee to be unpaid especially in the situation that makes money as scarce as a real match on tinder.

And my ego is so freaking annoying because some of those missing installment is because I failed to praise the client/partner for their stupidity, and end up saying, like Soekarno to the USA during the cold War, “Fuck you and go to hell with your money. ” I should’ve learn from Soekarno that that attitude won’t make the USA went to hell. But it sure made Indonesia got into financial crisis and Soekarno got coup. Damn it you handsome feudalistic polyglotic polygamous polyamorous ultra masculine narcistic nationalistic first president! I should only read your political thinking and not the way you do business.

Anyway, the damages are already done. So I am thinking of making some sort of contigency plan in case stuff like this happens again in the future. If I can’t file a lawsuit, at least I can make a blacklist of clients that has a big possibility to not paying me. These are those clients:

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1. The Authoritarian Client


Instead of going to my office, they want me to move my whole office to their office so they can watch me work. I’ve got three projects going on simultaneously and I can’t afford to lose the other two for this one who came at me with orders as if I went to the same shitty academy like they were. Hey, I’m with George Floyd you mothafucker. And Epstein did not kill himself! Here is a song for you, you shirtless leech, sucker.

2. The Old Friend in Need


Fuck you dude. We’ve been working together for so long and I can’t believe you bail out when paying the final installment. I gave you a very low price that made me got almost nothing, and poof you gone like the current president son to his girlfriend, so I have to pay so many stuff. I know Placebo sang, “A friend in need a friend indeed,” BUT “a friend with weed is better. ” You ain’t got no weed, you made my wallet bleed.

And a “fee for friend” Should be way higher than a fee for stranger. Please don’t use that “fee for friend” proposal again.

3. The Cheaper Please Client


Here is the truth: the cheaper the client, the harder it is to satisfy them. This one client paid 5 Mills and I gave them two of my best students to make them an instagram ad for middle lower class audience.

Cheaper client tends to be cocky as if they know production. They want to cut the cost by asking to make a collaboration with their untrained team. Its going to be the deepest shithole in the worst toilet in hell. Nothing worst than a client who knows shit but claim to be an expert. Fuck you, I’ve been doing this for almost 20 goddamn years you fuckers. I only doing your project so my students can prove themself worthy of their skill. And they made you a great ad, from your awful resources you dipshit. But you are not satisfy just because your actors sucks. You were the one who picked them. Go to hell with your petite production money, fuckers.

So be very careful with those kind of clients. You have the rights to blacklist your clients.

Film, Kurasi/Kritik, Politik, Racauan, Workshop

Karena Film Itu Tinggi dan Video Itu Rendah

Kalau kita pakai definisi film secara kebudayaan, bukan secara teknis, maka film adalah sebuah produk media yang dibuat untuk discreening atau ditonton bersama dalam sebuah ritual modern. Budgetnya relatif, bisa kecil bisa besar, tapi ia didedikasikan sebagai seni yang lebih tinggi daripada video.

Sementara video dibuat untuk dibroadcast, dilihat sebanyak mungkin orang dengan semudah mungkin akses. Semua orang yang bisa bikin video hari ini, tapi tidak semua orang yang punya kamera bisa bikin film, karena setelah shooting selesai, pasar pertama produk tersebut adalah tempat screening; baik itu di bioskop ataupun di festival.

Konon film adalah anak haram antara kapitalisme dan seni. Dalam hubungan itu, ada yang dominan dan tergantung produser dan sutradaranya. Namun di muaranya, film dianggap sebagai seni tinggi, disakralkan. Makanya filmmaker suka emoh kalo dibilang filmnya video. Filmmaker juga banyak yang merasa bahwa film tv bukan film, karena dia dibroadcast di tv. Film yang sudah masuk TV tak berbayar, alias frekuensi publik, bukan lagi film, tapi dianggap sudah jadi seni rendah: video. Padahal di era digital hari ini, kebanyakan film dibuat dengan alat perekam yang menyimpan data digital (baca: video).

Film adalah video yang dilabeli ritual dan ekslusifitas. Sebuah dokumentasi kawinan Batak, yang diputar dalam festival film kebudayaan eksotis di Inggris akan jadi “film”, sementara kalau diputar diantara sanak saudara mempelai, atau dishare di youtube melalui grup WA keluarga, ia akan jadi “video.”

Jadi yang membuat sebuah produk media jadi film atau video hari ini adalah masalah presentasi dan segmentasi. Presentasi artinya dimana ia discreening, dan segmentasi artinya siapa yang menonton screening tersebut. Semakin highclass yang menonton, semakin mahal dan prestisius sebuah film. Karena itu festival film juga punya kelas, dari yang abal-abal, sampai yang super wah.

Konversi dari film ke video jadi bukan hanya masalah teknologi, tapi jadi konversi transaksi pasar: setelah mengalami presentasi publik, apakah film itu akan dilepas dengan akses di platform publik, atau dijual streaming ke platform berbayar. Apapun itu, setelah selesai screening, semua film berubah menjadi video. Dan video sejatinya menjadi data, yang nilai ritualistik dan ekonominya akan turun seiring berjalannya waktu.

Racauan, Workshop

Bermain Shakespeare (dalam konteks Indonesia)

Tulisan ini diterbitkan pertama kali di website teater katak. Dalam blog ini diedit ulang seperlunya.

Ilustrasi William Shakespeare/Kalya Risangdaru
Ilustrasi William Shakespeare/Kalya Risangdaru

Tulisan ini adalah penjabaran cara memainkan karya-karya William Shakespeare dalam konteks Indonesia yang dikompilasi dari sumber-sumber online dan pengalaman pribadi saya dalam memainkan dan mengkaji drama Shakespeare. Ada tiga hal yang harus saya tekankan sebagai prasyarat pembaca artikel ini. Jika seorang aktor/pembaca tidak memenuhi syarat-syarat di bawah ini, maka saya sarankan untuk mendiskusikan artikel ini dengan aktor/pelatih/sutradara yang berpengalaman ketika mencobanya. Karena drama Shakespeare mau tak mau akan selalu memiliki konflik interpretasi; bahkan untuk penonton berbahasa Inggris sekalipun, dialog Shakespeare seperti bahasa asing.

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