Racauan

Kalau sudah terasing lalu apa?

Aku merasa begitu asing dengan dunia hari ini ketika aku melihat media sosial yang random dan di luar kebiasaanku. Pertama kali membuka Tiktok, sebelum ia merekam apa yang kusuka dan tidak kusuka, aku disuguhi apa yang banyak orang Indonesia suka, dan aku mau muntah. Begitupun ketika melihat facebook video yang random keluar di feed berdasarkan kesukaan banyak orang.

Aku tidak bilang bahwa apa yang orang suka, aku tidak paham. Aku hanya merasa bahwa yang kebanyakan orang suka adalah hal-hal banal, tentang seks, perselingkuhan, atau kisah-kisah agama yang sangat dangkal. Kurasa begitulah kebanyakan manusia hidup. Secara praktis apa yang kubaca dan kupikirkan tidaklah begitu berguna untuk kehidupan.

Inginnya sih berusaha rendah diri, dan melihat secara antropologis dan filosofis tentang eksistensi orang lain. Tapi bahkan aku tidak bisa melihat diriku sendiri dengan lebih dalam secara eksistensial. Semua misteri tentang keberadaan sudah terjawab. Tuhan tidak bisa dipercaya keberadaannya, dan kalaupun dia ada aku pun tidak mempercayai kebijakan dan apapun yang ia buat. Lalu keberadaanku dan seluruh manusia hingga sekarang cuma kebetulan saja dari sebuah struktur biologis yang tumbuh seperti kanker.

Dan dengan kemajuan teknologi media sosial dan kecerdasan buatan, semakin banyak kebodohan yang terlihat–karena orang cerdas memberikan orang-orang tolol kanal bersuara alih-alih membuka komunikasi dengan pendidikan. Aih, racauanku ini seperti tidak ada puasnga bikin masalah.

Namanya racauan, aku meracau saja dulu. Toh pada akhirnya semua ini politik saja. Semua orang berebut kuasa dalam konteksnya sendiri-sendiri, dalal lapisan-lapisan yang berbeda-beda dari borjuis kecil hingga pemilik modal, punya politik horizontalnya masing-masing. Pa

Pada akhirnya semua orang butuh kerja dan diatur masyarakat atau institusi untuk mendapatkan relevansinya masing-masing. Di luar itu manusia akan jadi anarkis atau gila saja.

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Racauan

Slow and On Time

Life is short. It could be a few days, weeks, months, years or eternity; life is Short but time is relative. We could even upload our consciousness and live in VR forever. Do we want to live forever? Well, with balanced hormones and a nice mood, I would. Fuck anybody who says that happiness need sadness and pleasure need pain. If I could somehow managed my brain and organs to be happy and pleasing, I’d choose it. Constant happiness won’t be boring because if you’re bored you won’t be happy. You might be crazy, but you won’t care anyway. It’s a total balance, it’s nirvana, moxa.

Anyway how long is Short? It could be a blink of an eye, or it could be gazzillion years like waiting for my jenius bank account to load. What makes time long is probably the boredom. And in order not to be bored we gotta get busy with our life. The busier the more exciting, time will be shorter. In a state that I am in, people called it manic. After that seems too short of time, I’ll be damned in depression. Or I’ll die of fatigue.

Whatever happens, human life span is long compared to mosquitoes or ants, but really short compared to the universe. If we found a way to be immortal, we wouldn’t have to procreate, said some expert. But if procreate is an experience, I am sure we still want to do that. Because the essence of being a sapiens, is about stories. And stories come from experience.

What if we evolved to be a being that does not need experience or story? What if we change to be a data driven, mathematical creature who lived based solely on algorithms. Will life be easier? As a biological machine that can create itself from itself, will we be truly… Happy?

There’s so many questions on the possibility of the future of our species: it’s near and our species are closing in with climate change and ignorance. Yet, we are too busy with our petty little life, to make our culture and create story, or just simply to survive daily, that we often forget how short our life is. We just can’t slow down.

So today I decided, in the middle of a deadline, to be slower. I’m doing it, but I’ll be chill. You just can’t make me go faster than this, and I’ll still be faster than most people, I tell you this. But I’ll enjoy the dawn and the sunrise. I’ll enjoy the company of my friends, the cigarette, the sex, the attraction, attention, and all that comes with it.

My pace will be slow but controlled, and my job will be done on time, and I will be proud of it, cause it’s gonna be my best. Every. Single. Time. I will be satisfied, but I won’t stop doing better than my best. Not because I need to get faster, but because I need to be slower and enjoy every process. On time.

So here’s my newest selfie that I’m proud of because it was made during a slow time at the office where my friends and I are doing our best to do one of our best project. I suggest you should be slow and on time too, it’s fun, less stressful, and life feels a little bit longer in a good, meditative way.

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