MalesBelajar, Racauan

Menghadapi Rasa Bersalah

Disclaimer: Ini adalah teks yang dibuat oleh ChatGPT dari perusahaan OpenAI berdasarkan percakapan publik di grup diskusi MalesBelajar yang diinisiasi oleh MondiBlanc Film Workshop. ChatGPT digunakan sebagai asisten copywriting, untuk mencatat sejarah diskusi-diskusi penting di antara anggota komunitas MalesBelajar.

Guilt atau rasa bersalah merupakan topik yang menarik untuk dibahas. Diskusi ini dimulai oleh Nosa Normanda dari komunitas Males Belajar di MondiBlanc. Ada anggapan bahwa rasa bersalah semakin memburuk seiring bertambahnya usia seseorang. Namun, mungkin hal ini tergantung pada banyak faktor seperti jumlah pilihan hidup yang tersedia di usia yang lebih tua. Beberapa orang berpendapat bahwa otak kita menjadi kurang plastis seiring bertambahnya usia, sehingga semakin sulit untuk mengatasi perasaan bersalah.

Namun, ada pula pendapat yang berbeda. Beberapa anggota komunitas mengatakan bahwa mereka merasa lebih baik di usia yang lebih tua. Mereka berhasil mengoptimalkan potensi yang dimilikinya dan tidak lagi terjebak dalam rasa penyesalan.

Perasaan bersalah dan penyesalan memang dapat menghantui seseorang, terutama ketika mereka merasa semakin terbatas dalam mencapai tujuan hidup mereka di usia yang lebih tua. Namun, jika seseorang mampu menerima keputusan dan tindakan yang diambil di masa lalu, maka mereka dapat menghindari perasaan bersalah yang berlebihan.

Namun, terkadang hal ini lebih mudah diucapkan daripada dilakukan. Beberapa orang mungkin merasa terbebani dengan penyesalan di masa lalu dan merasa kesulitan untuk mengubahnya di masa depan. Ada juga anggota komunitas yang mengungkapkan bahwa orang tua mereka mengalami kesulitan dalam menghadapi perasaan penyesalan di masa tua mereka.

Namun, ada juga cara untuk mengatasi perasaan bersalah, yaitu dengan berpikir positif dan berfokus pada solusi di masa depan. Jika seseorang merasa terbebani dengan keputusan di masa lalu, mereka dapat mencoba memikirkan kemungkinan hasil yang berbeda jika mereka memilih jalur yang berbeda. Namun, yang terpenting adalah menerima keputusan yang telah diambil dan berfokus pada masa depan yang lebih baik.

Dalam diskusi ini, terdapat berbagai pendapat mengenai perasaan bersalah dan penyesalan di masa tua. Namun, yang terpenting adalah bagaimana seseorang dapat menghadapinya dengan positif dan berfokus pada solusi di masa depan.


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English, Filsafat, Memoir, Racauan

The Banality of Guilt

Guilt is a feeling we all know too well. It can come from a range of situations, like something we said to a friend that we regret or a mistake we made at work. It can be all-consuming and leave us feeling like we’ve failed our own moral code. But what if I told you that sometimes, guilt is just plain boring?

We’ve all thought about what we would do if we could travel back in time and change things we regret. But even if we could, it wouldn’t necessarily make our guilt disappear. Memories of our old actions would still be there, and we’d still feel the same way about them. We are trapped in a conundrum that our past that we wanted to change, is our future. So instead of worrying about what we can’t change, we need to focus on the real present and real future–at least until we discovered a time machine that works.

Behavioral biologist Robert Sapolsky says that our actions are influenced by more than just our conscious decisions. Our biology, environment, genetics, and past experiences all play a role in how we behave. That means it’s not always fair to hold people entirely responsible for their actions. We need to look at the bigger picture and think about what led them to act in a certain way. It could be their lack of sleep, their hunger, their dinner before, their hormones, even their genes. There is a possiblity that a tantrum is caused by one of our ancestors who was eating a wrong mushroom.

It might be granpa’s fault that I am ugly

This is why punishment doesn’t always work. Instead of punishing people for what they did, we need to help them understand why they did it in the first place. By addressing the root causes of their behavior, we can work towards rehabilitation and positive change. This could include therapy, education, or support groups. Of course this only happens in a developed European country. Not many people can accept that human actually an animal that does not have that much control of their actions. There is this illusion of free will, always haunting as a hope or curse on the corner of our mind.

In the end, it’s important to recognize that guilt isn’t always the most interesting or useful emotion. We can’t change the past, but we can focus on the present and future to create a better outcome. By taking a more nuanced and compassionate approach to behavior, we can work towards a healthier and happier society. Or not. This is just me having guilt free.


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English, Memoir, Racauan


You don’t deserve it

But you can try to earn it

The Gary, Final Space

So many bad things I’ve done. Burning bridges, taking for granted the love, the trust. I cheated, I lied, I hide, I told incredible stories that probably didn’t happened–I don’t know I was nuts.

The guilt haunts me in every breath that I took, and it doesn’t make me good. I m guilty as charged and I have admitted it. I have been punished by losing the things I love, people I care about, a home, sanity, and money.

And yet still I get happiness. And this happiness is my ultimate crime because I made people love me. I don’t deserve this love, this life. After all that I’ve done. But I’ve got the words to describe it now. Now that I am blessed with unbearable lightness of being, I’ve got to earn what has been given. That privilege should be a debt that can only be paid forward.

With every evaluated sin, wisdom should come forth. And wisdom is nothing but action to earn what has been given.

Blessed thy soul, you who have passed by and who will come forth. I cannot save you but I will endure you if I can.

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English, Memoir, Racauan

Dysphoria #1: Self-made Hell

This is a work fiction. All resemblance with the reality is on purpose. Explicit content.

It is obvious that my loneliness is the main cause of all these fuss, unfaithfulness, the distorted feeling of entitlement. It is my most deceptive defensive mechanism–that the truth, in itself, is self destructing. I am alienating people in order to alienate myself from the hell that they construct.

Creating my own hell, is better than living somebody else’s heaven.

Thus, I hurt myself again, just to find a way to make me forget that I am lonely. I hurt myself with bulimia, with days of sleep, with obsessive scratching, cutting, and obsessive exercise when the manic came, sleepless nights, and after that I still want to punch any guy, or fuck any girl that I think deserve my fist or my dick. I am all open to fight or fuck because I’m sick of flight.

And I’d desperately love anybody who wants to love me. And I’d burn myself, sacrifice myself, ready to be crucify like Jesus H. Christ, and I’d beg people not to leave me until they’d got annoyed and see me as a freak and they need to leave me to stay sane because I’d drive them crazy, so I’d drive my car. I’d drive and drink myself hope to die on the road, hopefully with other assholes that swarming the highways of this city.

And all of it would be my fault. Nobody can blame or even care about my disorder, my upbringing, the system that I am in. I and only I, will be held responsible for all this mess that’s happening with my life and other people that I dragged.

The fucking shrink might say that this thought is cognitive distortion, self entitlement, but fuck you, the court, the people’s court cannot hold my disorder, my upbringing responsible for my actions. They cannot put those abstract nouns in jail, they could not rehabilitate my illness. It is I and only I, will be held responsible for my actions.

And what else should I do but to embrace what the universe has given me? I have eliminate the choice to take my own life because of the meds or because I’m a fucking coward. Anyway, I have no choice but struggle against a sea of trouble and by opposing hope to end them. Even though I know, that I will lose and drown and will face inevitable slow death. But at least I did fight back and refuse to flight.

At least I did good, at being brave. To open my eyes every day, and trying hard to get out of bed and go out to the world. To fight or to fuck. And if I have to lose love again, I think it’s just because I don’t deserve love. I am condemn to beg. For mercy, for love, for attention, only to toss it all out, when I feel lonely.

Because of this distorted feelings and thought, that I’d rather be alone, than be lonely. And the only way to be out of the misery of loneliness, is to break all ties and be perfectly alone to face the misery of the ubermench, the homo deus. Until there is no happines or misery any more, until there is no value in the narrative of my life.

It is when I became forgetful, mad, or die.

Sickness unto death.

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